What do you do with it.
Do you hold its hand and cross the street
or do you push it in front of a car.
Do you let it eat you. Is it good
to have it inside of you for so long.
Will it make me great.
How do I treat it. Does it like tea
or milk. Does it want the guest bed.
At what time will it wake.
I will make pancakes. Eggs. Orange juice
home-squeezed. It can even feast
on my body. Should it still grow
when I forget to water it.
How many ears should it have.
I have asked so many questions
that the hurt has begun to listen.
Atheist At The Creation Museum
I am as tall as God here.
He looks smaller in person,
no longer the colossus
that rocks me to sleep.
Notice how I only come to God
when I need rocking. Notice
the tears on the sculpture’s cheeks,
or maybe they are in my eyes.
I can’t tell which one of us cries.
I can’t tell if I am of my body,
but one of us witnesses.
A tree of life stops breathing.
Sound reels click. I trek
through my ruins. Oh, my ruins.
All the temples I could have built
if only I had not given up
my body to another. The first time
I slipped into her, I saw cling stars
on the ceiling. Now, I study carvings
on the door. The world’s not safe anymore.
I touch the knob. The body brushes truth
until it feels unfamiliar. When was the last time
the body felt like shelter? She held me
so close after that I imagined us
in the same skin. Google search:
am I too holey to house goodness
am I one doubt too heavy
why don’t I feel it why don’t I feel it
like they do. The ark’s roof leaks,
the starlab blips, holographic.
The body wants to feel it,
but can’t. The body wants to faith
harder than it has ever faithed before,
wants to capture God the way dogs
try to eat butterflies. But all the body
can do is exit. Exist. Keep searching
for a God who will love it
tenderly, the way she did.
Samantha Fain lives in Connersville, Indiana. She is an undergraduate student studying psychology and creative writing at Franklin College. Her work has previously appeared in The Indianapolis Review, all the sins, and Awkward Mermaid. She tweets at @samcanliftacar.